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Introducing ShesThatRN

This is the post excerpt.

This blog allows me to freely express my journey as a nurse, author, speaker, writer, business owner and blogger. The title simply identifies my gift to the world as a nurse. There are so many phenomenal nurses out there who exemplify “ShesThatRN.” I guess you know by now that it specifies females, but know that I understand there are male nurses who “HesThatRN” as well. You are not forgotten and I am grateful to share my platform with you also. Let’s just be ourselves, talk about the issues, come up with solutions, and take this journey together. My blog is my opinion and my truth and I choose to share it with the world. You may agree, disagree or have no comment and that is fine. Please be mindful that when commenting, it is important to be respectful no matter your opinion. I welcome you to come along for this ride as I learn about myself and share that with you. When it’s all said and done, I am my nurse sister and brother’s keeper!

In Limbo

So, I’ve been feeling like I’m in limbo. Just stagnant like still water with nowhere to go. I am, however, extremely excited to be on my new assignment. I’ve been off from work for a little while, and it definitely has been hard having no income. BUT my God will supply my need according to his riches in glory by Jesus Christ. That’s all I can say about that because even though I’ve been without money, I’m still standing and I have everything I had before I was without work. Now, that’s nothing and nobody but God.

Limbo can feel depressing sometimes, but it can also give you a lot of time to figure things out. Things like your purpose, destiny, plan, new ideas, implementing change, and so much more. My limbo has pushed me to do more with my business, writing, and just figuring out some of my life. Not always an easy feat, but it happens nevertheless. So, I started making more products for my business. I now offer a variety of hand-poured candles that come with personally written prayer intentions. I’ve also created and now offer sugar body scrubs, lip scrubs, and lip balm. I’m working on my lip gloss collection as well. So, things are looking up, and I feel good about it.

My creative self seems more heightened than it has been in the past. Honestly, I enjoy working more with my hands to create things I love and hope others will too. The next time you feel like you’re in limbo, take some time to settle into the feeling and think about how you can do things differently. Like what changes can you make, whether in life, business, school, or relationships? I feel there is always room for improvement in any area of our lives. I’m still working on me, and maybe during this pandemic, you can find ways to work on you. Be encouraged!

P.S. You can head on over to https://www.shesthatrn.org/ and shop for my newest products. Enjoy

Until Next Time,

ShesThatRN

When You Break Your Covenant With God!

Whew, chile, this is another transparent read right here and a judgment-free zone! If you’re not ready, go read the word and say a prayer because God gave this to me to share for someone else’s benefit, not mine. He’s already dealt with me and my mess, but it’s so that you can be blessed in the end. Read on…

I was sitting and listening to a word from Sara Jakes Roberts. I love listening to her because God seems to draw me to hear when there’s a specific need or specific times in my life. I can go months and months without listening to any spoken word or ministry online, and then, boom, it happens. Today I heard her talk about covenant, and God placed in my heart how important it is that we keep our covenant made between him and us. Take a walk with me down a kind of long winding road if you will.

I remember when I left Baltimore in 2005. Everything in my life seemed to be going wrong that could, and I had had enough. I left my home where I had been born and raised entirely and utterly broken, and no one knew. I just said I’m leaving, and no one believed me until I actually packed my truck with my sons and what I could carry and was gone. There, I found myself living with my mom and stepdad until my section 8 housing was ready. My mom and I had a very strained relationship. I had been holding onto a lot of unresolved hurt and anger in my heart towards both my parents. I had little to no patience with mom because of this strain. My relationship with my dad was strained, and I hadn’t been talking to him regularly. Still, we were working towards repairing what had been broken since he and my mom divorced. I felt he abandoned me in my most vulnerable state because I had a baby, and he was my everything. I attempted suicide when he left because it was hard to handle the sense of abandonment. But God! I’m still here.

When leaving, God had been working on me so much so that I was fighting. When I say fighting, I mean there was spiritual warfare waging wars in my life. Ephesians 6:12 states, “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” I was in “one because there were a few” of the hardest fights of my life. I found a church home, and the work began. It was not a comfortable journey, but it required my total submission to God. It was then that I made a vow to God (a covenant) that I would be sold out for him, leave my worldly and earthly desires behind, and live for Christ. I asked him to be patient with me and asked that he would give me patience. I’ll never ask for patience again, lol (I can laugh now, but yeah no, you are tried when you ask for patience so that you’ve developed in that area). Be careful what you ask for because you may get it.

I was tested several times, especially with my mom. I remember sitting in the car one day watching her hang close on the outside clothesline as she would do. I kept looking through the side-view mirror as God kept telling me to get out the car, hug her and tell her you loved her. Well, honey, just as Jacob wrestled with God, I found myself sitting in that car going back and forth, telling God what I was and was not gonna do. I kept asking God why I had to always be the one to concede and make peace with everyone. Why he couldn’t send, the people I felt had wronged me to apologize to me. He wasn’t hearing anything I said. Instead, he just kept telling me to get out of the car and do it.

I must have sat there for I don’t know how long talking to him about it. Suddenly, like a madwoman, really Sophia from The Color Purple marched through the fields to confront Celie for telling Harpo to beat her. That’s how I looked marching back to the clothesline. I walked up to her, threw my arms around her, and said I love you. I quickly turned and walked back to the car and pulled off without giving her second to respond. It was not easy being my parent, I tell you. But this was all a part of the covenant (agreement) I made with God.

There was a lot of work to do with me. I’m sure God was and still is exhausted about his little creation in me. But he’s still so patient and loving with me as I mess up, repent, and try to get it right again. There were many moments like that with God and me, but eventually, I’d forfeit my will to his. One of the promises or covenants I’d made with God when leaving Baltimore was to remain celibate until marriage. When I came back home after graduating from college, that changed, and I forgot my promise (covenant) that I made with God. I reignited a sexual-ship with a man from my past who I’d been in lust for many years. My contract (covenant) with God had been broken after all this time of keeping it. It took 1 person to throw me off course. I need you to understand that the enemy doesn’t care who, what, where, or when an opportunity exists, only that he can use it.

After all this time, I had become enslaved to a sin that I had been set free from. All because I took my eyes off of God and placed them on this man. It only takes a split second! Just like it only takes a split second for you to have any type of collision. I became entangled in a web that overwhelmed me, had me questioning my worth, my worthiness, my looks, size, shape, just everything. I watched as my self-esteem tumbled pretty much into the toilet, and I didn’t know what to do to stop it. Years passed by, and I had been loving the wrong man.

Giving more attention, time, and love to him than to myself. It cost me dearly, let me tell you. But always remember there is a cost to breaking your covenant with God!!! I found myself crying on the floor prostrate, asking God to take him away from me even if it meant killing him. That was not the right prayer, but I was desperate and wasn’t willing to sacrifice myself. So, to me, it had to be him. I asked God why he allowed this to happen to me, he sent me a reminder. I was pregnant with my first son, and I sat with my head in my mother’s lap, asking her why God would do this to me, raise a son alone? She said to me, “Sharon, God didn’t do anything to you. He allowed you to make a choice, and you did. Now, these are the consequences of the things YOU chose to do.” Suddenly, I was back lying on my mother’s lap, resting on her legs and crying the same questions. That’s when God gave me the same answer my mom did back then.

It took a long time, and I mean many months to get to a place where I could function. Mind you, this isn’t years ago. This was two years ago just so you have a good picture of the timeframe. One year and half past, and that old gnawing in the pit of my stomach returned. Beckoning to reach out to this man again, so I did. Of course, an entanglement occurred, and I once again broke my covenant with God. This time I didn’t feel as bad about the man, but that was even worse. Why? Because now I could sit with God not feeling broken, but feeling convicted of my actions. I could see and hear God with no moans, groans, or waling going on. I tell you that it’s even worse this way because your vision is so bright, and nothing is prohibiting you from seeing anything. When I had caught on fire in June, I reached out from my hospital bed with a text telling him what had happened and that I was alright and would be coming home soon. There was utter silence! No response, no calls, no NOTHING! I remembered all the lies he’d told me about giving time, time, how we were friends, and emotionally connected. When I thought about crying, I couldn’t because this was an all to a familiar place. So, God started dealing with me.

When I tell you God, and I have had some down to earth, deep conversations, whew chile, it is that serious. God said, “once again, you broke our covenant and turned away from me. Looking for what only I can give you. And here you are again in the same place because you wouldn’t listen. I freed you from him, and you just had to go back, and now what? This time I had to make you see that he had NO real desire for you, and the hurt from no response when you could have died was the ‘icing on the cake’ sorta speak.” Here I was again acknowledging my total disregard for my heavenly father. I began praying and repenting and asking God to forgive me for turning my back on him. And every time I start to think of this man, I begin to pray and ask God to remove the thoughts.

I would often tell my sons that there is a reaction for every action, so it is also true for us adults. I shared my covenant with God with you all today, but there are all types of agreements made between people. Think about your covenants, your vow, and your promise and try to honor it with all your might. My example is not only to share how essential covenants are but also the repercussions that happen when you break them. Most importantly, it is to show you God’s unwavering love for us all. If I was God, I would have thrown me away a long time ago. Thank God I’m not and that He knew me before He placed me in my mother’s womb. It’s not easy asking for forgiveness, but it is humbling. It also reminds you to be gracious and thoughtful of others when they stumble and fall. To be forgiving and help them up with the same love that God gives you when you fail in life. I hope that something about this helps you to grow, forgive, and show more of God’s type of mercy, grace, and love.

Until Next Time,

ShesThatRN

Internalizing Hate

I was thinking about how judgmental our society is. Whether it’s how people look, what they wear, what they say, or how they speak. Someone is always there to add their unsolicited 2 cents into the mix. I used to be that someone, but with G0d’s grace and the Holy Spirit’s conviction, I am mindful and not so quick to do this anymore. It took a long time because we become accustomed to doing it, being judgmental of others. But it lends itself to the question of “why” we do this, and I’ve had to ask myself this question.

I’m going to be transparent and use myself as a reference in much of what we talk about today. Honestly, we usually have something to say because of shortcomings in our own lives. This could stem from jealousy, envy, or because it’s been done to us so much that we have just gotten used to being this way. Now, don’t get me wrong; some people say some things because they want the best for you and want to see you grow and change. Or, they want to help you be the best version of yourself. Those people are great, and I applaud their efforts. The other ones, well, not so much. I know when I turn on social media and see naked hind parts shaking all around, I am like, “I wish they loved themselves enough not to exploit themselves.” When I see other women accomplishing big things, I have to stop myself from being jealous because I want to be where they are in my success. Don’t forget that you never know the battle and scars others had to go through in order to achieve whatever they have. And even if they didn’t go through a thing, negative thoughts will only hinder your blessings.

See, I told you I’d be transparent! Yes, I still have to stop and ask God to forgive me f0r judging my sisters and brothers. I have to ask myself, “Sharon, why are you jealous, envious, want what they have, or thinking negatively about them?” It’s then that the Holy Spirit reminds me that I am where I am meant to be at this time in my life, and that what God has for me is and will be for me at the appointed time. The same way I dislike when people judge me is the main reason I should not be judging others.

I took a picture during my sister’s photoshoot with my shirt tied up in the front and my belly hanging out. Now one might say why in the world is she taking a picture with all that stomach hanging out. And my reply is because I want to. I have allowed people to speak ill about me and over my life for much of my life. Now, if I feel good about it, then I don’t care what others think. I remember the photographer saying “Sharon, you have a sophisticated and tasteful sexiness about your look.” I guess he could tell I was second-guessing myself due to having my shirt that way and what I considered a flawed part of my body being exposed. My niece said, “Aunt Sharon, what is going on, who is this coming out?” I laughed and said, ” Oh, it’s my alter ego Shaybutter,” which really is one of my alter egos, lol.

I chose to post it because I am not a society’s picture of beauty. Maybe on the inside if you knew me, but larger women are often body shamed. We are made to feel like if you’re not skinny or small or under a size 12, you’re fat. In fact, my BMI says that I am grossly obese if you can believe it. However, I’m healthy with no medical issues besides Asthma. I also have a massive organ that has relocated to my belly. The doctor says it needs to be removed to prevent specific side effects I’m experiencing, including my stomach’s large size. I’d have to have major surgery that cuts me from one side to the other and on bed rest for 8 weeks to heal. I’m not able to do that right now.

Exercise gurus will tell you just exercise the fat away, or if I did it, you can too. Let me tell you without making excuses or minimizing anyone’s health, that everyone’s body is different. And you have to take into account more than what you see. There could be medical reasons, hormone imbalances, age, metabolism, and such, that affect one’s weight. As a nurse, I’ve taken care of smaller people who had an impeccable bill of health that had a massive heart attack, for no apparent reason, so size doesn’t always determine whether you’re healthy. I will say to talk with your doctor, make modifiable changes such as nutrition and exercise, do the work, and live your life to the fullest. All these things can help enrich your experiences and keep you well balanced and as healthy as possible.

By NO MEANS should you allow society or anyone else to body shame you. Don’t let anyone tell you who you’re not, who you should be, how pretty you are, or how healthy you are because you don’t fit into society’s small box. Whatever your size, shape, and image, be proud, be confident, and OWN it. YOU ARE ENOUGH, PERIOD!!!! I am not for everybody, but I am for somebody, and whoever doesn’t like it can pray for me. (You probably thought I was gonna say something else, lol, but nope.) I’m telling you what I do when I feel or start saying things I shouldn’t be about anyone. I say a prayer for them and ask God’s forgiveness for being hypocritical. Now, have an amazing week, and please be safe out there.

Until Next Time,

ShesThatRN

Operating In The Spirit

There is something to be said about operating in the spirit. For those who have a spiritual life, you probably know what I’m speaking of. It’s one thing to move in your own will and purpose, but it is about listening and obeying the Holy Spirit’s leading. At least for me, it always works out better. Because I’m a Christian, I believe in the Bible or Word of God, and it tells me that my obedience is better than sacrifice. I don’t know how many times I’ve done things my way only to realize that it may not be the right way or could have gone a lot smoother had I followed the ordered steps of God. My dad and grandfather would always tell me that a hard head makes a soft bottom and that if you make your bed hard, you must lay in it. Boy, they weren’t lying!

I’m finding that for me, everything I do has a definitive purpose. Sometimes I don’t understand it or recognize the ending. But, whether it’s self-led or Holy Spirit led, there’s meaning. I did a podcast tonight that started off with a stranger I had never met. It was suggested that I might want to have her on my show because she’s a nurse and has a business, and that’s right up my alley. So, I reached out as I do by email, and she responded yes, she’d love to come on my show. We talked about nursing, COVID, and then God just took us down a whole other road. We began sharing parts of our lives, which we call testimonies, and oh, what a blessing it was to me. Sometimes the world can seem like a lonely place even when surrounded by loved ones and friends. At times you can feel empty and depleted. Sometimes it looks like you have no purpose or destiny. But then GOD happens! He just shows up, and all that has left you feeling deflated and defeated is replenished by someone God divinely connects you with. That person shares their story. Suddenly, you realize there are others like you or that you can overcome by the power of your testimony.

Tonight there was a divine connection with me, Charlene, and the Holy Spirit, and let me tell you. It was truly amazing and an incredible blessing to my soul. I felt like shouting during the podcast recording. When it was all said and done, I asked her to close us out in prayer, and she did without hesitation. I was blessed beyond words and filled with an overflow to share with you and others around me. I pray that you somehow get a rejuvenation by reading this and knowing that God is with you no matter what you go through. You are never too far away that He can’t reach you. All you have to do is call upon Him. He’s available 24/7! If anyone is feeling alone, defeated, or depleted, I pray that God touches your heart, mind, and spirit and gives you exactly what you need at this very moment. Remember, you can’t go wrong when operating in the spirit. I love you, but most importantly, know that God loves you best!

Until Next Time,

ShesThatRN

Manifestation Monday

What are you manifesting into your life? I know we go about not really considering our thoughts. It’s just a part of our normal everyday living. Most of the time, we say things that can actually be manifested in our lives. How often have you thought about something, and then it appears, or you feel like you’re experiencing Deja Vue? You’ve probably spoken it into existence without realizing it.

The Bible says as a man thinketh, so is he. Well, what are you thinking about? Who are you thinking about? Is it productive, well-intended, and beneficial, or is it harmful and hindering blessings? I don’t know about you, but I am trying to be more conscious of my thinking so that I can manifest what I really want and not unintentional things. I want us to try and be more mindful and intentional about our thoughts. Speak the things you want and/or need in your life with an expectation of receiving them. That’s your and my job this week. I pray you have an amazingly beautiful week full of an overwhelming amount of blessings.

Until Next Time,

ShesThatRN

Her Story of Walking Through The Fire

I am up and can’t sleep, so I thought I’d be useful and write. Sometimes, when I get a concept to write about, I’ll start with a title and then save it as a draft until I’m ready to move forward. That’s what I did in the case of this blog.

On Saturday, June 27th, I was preparing for a proud celebration in the life of parents. Mind you it was the day after the anniversary of my moms death from Breast Cancer two years ago. My youngest and last born was done with high school. So, I decided to have a small party that really only included close family to help me celebrate this massive milestone in his life. I had a beautiful graduation display arranged by my sister/best friend Michelle (who you can follow on IG: itsyourparty_mc and Facebook: It’s Your Party LMPI). She does a phenomenal job of making your vision come to life with your budget. If you’re ever in need, please contact her at 410-818-7548, you won’t be disappointed.

People were arriving, and I was taking pictures and capturing moments with Greg and the family. I began cooking on the grill and went to add lighter fluid when…BOOM! It was like a volcanic eruption of FIRE! Before I could blink my eyes, I was on fire: my pants, face, upper body, and arms. The fire had so much force behind it that I flew across the balcony and landed on my bottom after hitting my head on a stack of chairs. My shirt was still on fire, and at the moment I couldn’t think. I was steadily patting my shirt, arms, and everywhere else trying to put the fire out.

When the flames subsided, I remember just sitting there in a daze. The fire was out, but my skin still felt ablaze. I remember people running over to me saying, “Aunt Sharon, are you okay? Sharon, are you okay?” I kept saying, “yes, just give me a minute.” I didn’t know what to do with myself. Really, it was as if I had frozen in time. Probably because of being in shock and just trying to gather myself and my thoughts on what I was supposed to do next. My niece and son tried picking me up, but I yelled in unbelievable pain and said, not my arms, not my arms. At that moment they grasped me from under the underarms and my best friends husband, Ed grabbed my left hand. The three of them managed to get me up.

As I stood to my feet, I stood there for a moment staring at the flames on the grill. They were back to normal, but I would never be back to normal. At least that’s what I thought at that moment. I slowly walked to the sink and began running cold water over my arms, hands, and face. People quickly moved about asking for things and placing things on me to try and bring me comfort at the moment. My brother Harold had gotten ice in a towel and applied it ever so gently to my arm. I was shaking because the pain was truly unbearable, and every time I removed my hand from the cold water, my skin felt like fresh fire all over again. My best friend places a cold rag on my face trying to bring me some relief. I mean, really, everyone was moving and doing something trying to make the situation better. Robin, my best friend who had just come in while I was at the sink, and Michelle said, “you need to go to the hospital.” My niece Jazmine was asking if I had A&D ointment that I could apply. I said no, but then my sister came in. I could hear her yelling in a panic “come on, I’m taking her to the hospital. Get her, and let’s get her in the car.”

She drove 90 mph up the street to Upper Chesapeake Hospital’s ER to get me seen. As we stood awaiting someone from registration to call me over, I was just shaking. Within seconds, but what seemed a lifetime, we were called over to be seen. In the middle of the registration, the triage nurse came out and called my name, so my sister stayed and finished the registration process. She entered the room and said she couldn’t wait, so she was leaving and call her when I was ready to be picked up. She had this sadness in her eyes and voice, and she left me there in the hands of strangers to care for me. I said okay, and she faded into the distance. I sat as the nurse asked me a barrage of questions. When explaining to her that my arm was weeping with blood and clear liquid fluid before leaving my house, she acted as if she didn’t believe me. She replied, “really, because I don’t see anything now.” I sat and watched out of my peripheral as she typed her triage note and waited to see if my arm would start weeping again. I guess my saying it wasn’t good enough. So, I had to be subject to her sitting and observing to see if it would happen again. I thought to myself, “does she think I’m lying, or does she think I don’t know what I’m talking about?” Either way, I told her that I was a nurse, which I hate doing, and was going to try and stay home and tend to my own wounds, but I thought it in my best interest to come and be seen by a doctor.

Finally, she asked me to have a seat in the waiting room until I was called back. That took over an hour, and I don’t know if you’ve ever sat, waiting in excruciating pain before, but let me tell you it’s no fun at all. I sat shaking, tapping my feet, and praying all at the same time. I heard my name being called and jumped up. I was taken to the back and explained what happened. The nurse was very thorough in her assessment and said, “I’m going to go find a doctor quick because your nose hairs are singed, which is a huge red flag for your airway.” I knew what she meant and watched as she rushed out to find a doctor.

When he arrived, he was casually nonchalant but pleasant. He said, “you look perfect for someone who was on fire.” I said well, thank you, and he started his assessment. I think sometimes one’s appearance of calm can be misleading to healthcare providers. And it shouldn’t be because everyone doesn’t come in all in a panic and uproar. Some people are calm, cool, and very collected. Besides, that should never be a sign for clinicians or physicians to think a patient is fine. He went on to tell me about letting them know if I felt my throat swelling or had any difficulty swallowing or breathing. He then checked my arm and hands and said well, we’re going to send you the burn unit at Bayview Medical so they can take a look at you and make sure you’re okay. He explained that being that my hand had second-degree burns could pose complications during the healing process, and the burn center was better prepared to adequately assess and adequately treat my wounds.

Off I went into an ambulance and down the road to the burn center. I got there after 9pm and saw the doctor-on-call and met my nurse. I was informed that I’d be staying a couple days to monitor and assess for swelling, and to have a laser procedure to determine the depth of the wounds. No problem, I settled in for the night, had a sandwich and was given medications to help with the pain as they cut into my skin and removed the burnt tissue. What a painful process that was let me tell you.

I finally fell asleep only to be awakened by the Spanish speaking older lady next to me. She snored, talked, and yelled in her sleep—no rest for my weary soul. The next day I was asked if someone could come up to be taught how to do my cleaning and dressing change. I called my sister, and she said yes. She had to go and mentally prepare herself for this challenge, LOL. It worked out fine, she was nauseous and anxious but was able to pay attention enough to understand what to do. They said Miss Alton we’re going to let you go home but only if you promise that you’ll be able to properly clean the wound and dress it. They explained that it can be painful that many patients will skip the cleaning and end up with an infection. I assured them that I would be fine as I knew that the hospital wasn’t the place to heal. I’d be better off going home and improving there.

Now, I’ll admit that it seemed more comfortable than I had expected the next day to clean and dress the wound. However, I was trying to use soap and water as they told me. My nurse gave me the cleaning solution they used to take home because it was better than soap and water and would surely get the job done right. The next day I decided to use the hospital solution because soap and water didn’t get everything off. Honey, I premedicated but was in that shower, crying, shouting, and everything. That was so painful, and I felt like I would pass out, but the dead skin was sloughing off as they said it should. I had to use more pain meds the following days because 2 pills weren’t enough to keep me from feeling like I would end up back in the hospital. After all, it hurt too bad to do it myself, and my sister couldn’t even stay in the room because of my crying and hollering in pain. With each passing day, things got better. The cleanings and dressing changes were more comfortable, and I could see the healing taking place.

There were so many mixed emotions surrounding this incident. I was sad, hurt, in pain, and just disappointed because I felt that I had messed up my son’s party. As I began healing, I started having self-esteem issues. I cried a lot in private, prayed a lot, and grieved for myself. I said to myself, “I’ll never be the same.” And that’s right, I won’t, but that’s to be expected. My skin won’t look the same, feel the same, or be the same anymore. The “ugliness” of it all will be a constant reminder of how badly I was and wasn’t burned. As the days went on, I begin to look at things differently. This ordeal made me more grateful to be alive. Instead of thinking about how ugly I was, I started thinking about how blessed I am because things could’ve been far worse.

I could’ve lost the ability to use my dominant hand, or my face could have been burned far worse. I could have been severely burned on my chest and had respiratory issues resulting from the fire. So, I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started thanking God for his grace and mercy. Because if God had not been standing in that fire with me, I would think of or could have died. But just like Shadrack, Meshack and Abendigo, I came through that fire better off than before it happened. Why? Because it shifted my mindset and thinking. It made me more grateful and gave me a peace that surpasses my own understanding.

My story’s moral is don’t look at the fire itself; look at God who was encamped around me, protecting you from being hurt worse. Understand that I didn’t just step into the fire, but I came out of the fire, I went through the flames, and I’m here to share my story/testimony with you. That is the difference. Be grateful, be blessed, and be a blessing!

Until Next Time,

ShesThatRN

Dear Momma

Today I celebrate your life and mourn your death. This time two years ago, I remember getting the call that said you had peacefully passed away. I remember listening to the voicemail and feeling this overwhelming numbness. I couldn’t sit still because I would have to feel that pain. Instead, I went about finishing my duties at work, taking care of other people’s loved ones as the hospice nurses were doing with you. I had a million things on my mind that morning and couldn’t figure out what to do with myself. I remember leaving that morning and slowly walking to my car in the parking garage.

That was the longest walk I had taken, or at least it felt like it. I wandered down hallways, out the door, and to the car. I felt so empty inside like nothing was there. The day before, I spoke to you and sang to you even though you couldn’t respond. Your eyes were closed, and you were nonresponsive, but the hearing is the last to go. So, I felt like you could hear my voice and discern that it was me: my goodbye, your goodbye, and our goodbye. I sat in the car, and my best friend Michelle called me. When she asked me if I was okay, I replied with my usual, “yes, I’m good.” I told her I was sitting in my car. I remember sitting there for a while, just unable to move my hands and feet to drive. Michelle sat quietly on the phone without saying a word as if she knew that I had nothing to say. She didn’t try to make me talk, ask me questions, or express herself. She was just there, quietly allowing me to cry, sniffle, and whimper in peace. Thank you, Michelle!

I could go on and on about this day two years ago, but I won’t. Instead, I’ll remember you for the wonderful woman, mother, wife, sister, and friend you were. You were the “Matriarch” of the family, and there is no substitution for who you represented to all of us. My heart may still be hurting, and a void still exists, but I am blessed to always have endless memories of your greatness. Now, I know you know you weren’t perfect, but God chose you to be ideal for us, your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Say hi to Tre for me and give him a hug for me. I love you to infinity and beyond always and forever.

Until Next Time,

ShesThatRN

I’m Actually Learning to Love It!

As a nurse, you know there are days I ask God if nursing is what I’m really supposed to be doing. And each time he shows me the answer. I get my “yes,” as well as my “why.” See, it’s not about me, and usually, when I question Him, it’s because of emotions. Someone hurt my feelings or got under my skin. Needless to say, I am fulfilling my purpose. I have other areas where I can use my voice and my gift of healing.

Lately, I’ve been trying to figure things out about Sharon. Where do I want to go and what else do I want to do. I have a podcast, and I share my feelings, experiences, skills, and expertise with the world, just like I do with my blog. I’ve had the pleasure of interviewing 3 amazing women in different areas of work and various levels of expertise. I hope you take the time to check out the upcoming podcast. In doing so, I realized that as much as I fear to talk to people, I enjoy engaging with others and finding out what they think about and feel about things. I love digging deeper into subject matters that no one really wants to go into or is afraid of. Exploring areas that aren’t easy to navigate is therapeutic in some ways. Exchanging ideas and thoughts help to get other points of view and different perspectives.

I sometimes feel like I have so much going on, but really not enough. So, I keep plugging away at it and working on getting it right. What right is I’m not sure I know or if it actually exists. I’ve come to realize that I won’t please everybody, some things will make people happy, and some piss them off. I may gain and lose people along the way, but as long as I stay true to myself, maintain integrity in what I’m doing, and stand in my truth, I’ll be alright. See, it’s okay to not have it all together, it’s okay to fall sometimes, it’s okay to be my “big ole baby” self, and it’s okay just being me. No one else can be who God created me to be, and I love who I am today, all the things I went through yesterday, and all the beautiful things to come.

So be you, and hopefully, that’s not a mean, self-serving, hateful individual. But if it is, be that and let the world see it because it’s you. We spend so much time hiding and being what and who we think people want us to be, and we live with facades. But I challenge you to be you, whoever that is. Good, bad, or indifferent. I can respect you for who you are, even if I don’t like it. It’s the cunning, sneaky ones that act kind in front of you but hate you and plot on you behind your back. That’s what and who I DON’T like!!!!

Until Next Time,

ShesThatRN

Black Women

There is something special about Black mothers. Looking back at slavery, we have had our bodies taken by the white slave masters while forcing our Black men to stand by helplessly and watch. We have mothered our children and that of our oppressors. We have taken care of everyone’s children, literally. We nurture, we care for, we provide, we work, we discipline, we struggle, we make a dollar out of 15cents, we suffer silently through sexual, mental, and emotional abuse. We are mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, cousins, godmoms, adopted moms, best friends, and so much more. And still, we rise! I cannot speak for another race or ethnicity. I can only talk about mine. It is not my intent to take anything away from anyone else’s fight, but I will always acknowledge ours. I am a Black woman. It can, at times, be hard to hold that title and all that comes with it. It is difficult to maneuver a world that offers no love to us. Sometimes the lack of respect comes primarily from other Black women and, more often than not, our Black men.

I always wondered why we are so hated? But others try so hard to mimic the very species they hate. How can you be racist, but tan your entire body to resemble the natural melanin in our skin? How do you get braided hairstyles when you make us cut our locs, natural afros, and hair claiming it to be unprofessional looking? How is it that everything that we’re blessed with naturally is hoarded by other races? It amazes me to think that we are so hated but so duplicated.

What makes me the saddest is the Black on Black hate that is so prevalent amongst us. We have been inbred to believe it is necessary to compete for everything. That you will lessen your success if you offer a helping hand to your sister. That you must dim, another’s light for your light to shine bright. It bothers me to see the contention amongst one another. If only we recognized that the power that lies within us is an excellent source that benefits us as a whole. What if we harnessed that selfish energy to build a united front, a consortium, a sisterhood that no one could break? Wouldn’t that be something to see? I cannot place everyone in the same pot, but I can make observations and bring us to a knowledge of said behaviors to bring us closer as a womanhood.

We bring young kings into the world who grow up to hate the women who carried them, birthed them, raised them, taught them, and turn to women from other races to love, respect, marry, have a family with, and build together. Dear Black men, please practice loving, respecting, and protecting your Black women. One thing I’ll say is Black women will stand in front of, block, and place herself in harm’s way to protect the Black man…if only that were reciprocated! I am so full of things that my mind is on overload. Therefore, I will leave the words of a famous song by a Black King and rapper who was murdered “Tupac” that seems to align with my thoughts tonight. “Keep Ya Head UP!”

Some of the lyrics:

And since we all came from a woman
Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman
I wonder why we take from our women
Why we rape our women, do we hate our women?
I think it’s time to kill for our women
Time to heal our women, be real to our women
And if we don’t we’ll have a race of babies
That will hate the ladies, that make the babies
And since a man can’t make one
He has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one
So will the real men get up
I know you’re fed up ladies, but keep your head up

Aiyyo, I remember Marvin Gaye, used to sing to me
He had me feelin’ like black was tha thing to be
And suddenly tha ghetto didn’t seem so tough
And though we had it rough, we always had enough
I huffed and puffed about my curfew and broke the rules
Ran with the local crew, and had a smoke or two
And I realize momma really paid the price
She nearly gave her life, to raise me right

You know it’s funny when it rains it pours
They got money for wars, but can’t feed the poor
Said it ain’t no hope for the youth and the truth is
It ain’t no hope for the future
And then they wonder why we crazy
I blame my mother, for turning my brother into a crack baby
We ain’t meant to survive, ’cause it’s a setup
And even though you’re fed up
Huh, ya got to keep your head up

If, for some reason my words have made you feel uncomfortable, well then, welcome to my world.

Until Next Time,

ShesThatRN